(Kept) In Colour

I wrote lost in 2021. Oscar (Moos) and I wanted to try a night time writing session so we met up at 11pm, my boyfriend at the time was going through a psychosis and I wanted to write a song that expresses the feeling of not being able to get through to someone due to mental health. I think this is one of the hardest things in life, when someone close to u is dealing with poor mental health, there isn’t much u can do or say but just be there for them. 

(this is my favourite  song I’ve ever written)

the song was finished at 4 am and the demo at the time was just vox on a pad, later on we turned this into a techno song. I took this away and had the idea of making it into a ballad where the music reflects the same feeling even with no vocals on them, a duality between electronic elements and organic rawness, I wanted the song to feel as human as possible with the tools we have today.

I worked more than 75 hours on the piano arrangement with composers/players, I then took the song to Dan Hylton and we shaped the string arrangement. Dan created the instrumental section after the second chorus out of reversed strings and natural sounds. I fell in love with this. I took the song to Danny Casio and we used an AI plug in to make trumpets and flutes out of vocal melodies I wrote, so all the trumpets , clarinets and other flute sounds you hear is all me singing.

I wanted this to become almost scary and ugly but in a beautiful way in a human way, to me this song is a reflection of the human experience and creating this was so so magical. 

I went to Belgium to record my dad playing tremolo on an authentic flamenco guitar with nylon strings.  I love that my dad is part of this track, he has always loved the song so so much and the soundscape was longing for him, I thought.

every time I sing it live I relate to it in a different way, on a personal level or for someone close to me. I think this song is very special. the messages I’ve received from people who hear it is just incredible, it reminds me we are all human and we are all going through the same just in different ways.

Angel boy is a celebration, even though it’s a sad story. I wanted a song that captures the feeling of having that one person that unlocks something inside of you, I wanted the track to be sensual, almost sexual but where the innocence is kept.

Anu, George and I had a writing session right after I came back from LA.  

I had fallen in love in LA like never before. he took me to his apartment in Korea town and we watched Wild At Heart, I loved the film so much it became my favourite film straight away. its a story about Lola and Sailor who are in love and that’s all they ever are, they had no other desires in life than being together,  always.  only eyes for each other. I thought I was going to be Lola and he was going to be my Sailor. I never wanted something so bad to be real. 

I learned later on that our love wasn’t meant to be but the experience at the time, I still carried as a gift. i embraced that im a lovergirl, im a swan, I look to pair for life.  I wanted to celebrate the feeling of having this one person that lights up everything and colours in what was dark before, an angel boy. 

After coming back from LA and grieving the breakup I did what I always do, dress up with my girls and go the railway and dance all night (I love this line in the song) !!! 

I wanted to track to reflect the innocence and longing part of the song, the idea of without u I lose colour. but also having a  sensual side, drums that make my hips move. i wanted the drums to feel almost sexual but in a timeless way, so i guess i am guilty of something here :) I love this song so so much. I hope people feel the celebration of longing for the elegance of love.

Words would only water it down is true, words do only water it down.  sometimes I wonder, what would happen if we couldn’t speak ? what would happen if we could see what one another is thinking? I guess I spend too much time thinking, 

love is the purest and most colourful feeling of them all but its the hardest to carry.  its as heavy as the weight of the world but as fragile as a feather. do words ever tell us what we really mean, like really mean ? 

I wanted this song to be an experience, a journey of feelings and thoughts, of instruments acting like animals, like children expressing a feeling. The song started with just a bed of vocals expressing the vulnerability and joy of exploring something without verbally expressing with instruments, sounds. nothing in this song about from the vocal bed ever gets repeated, just like the feeling of getting to know each other, the feeling deciding to lean in without explanation.

People are scared of love, scared of intimacy. im just a lover girl in a none romantic era so I turned silver, harsh, cold.

Sometimes I think I was never meant to make music like this but the world made me. in a way this is me being angry, raging but I love it. this one is for the girls, shaking ass, feeling good about themselves. dancing makes me feel so beautiful, nothing makes me more confident then dancing and i want this song to do that too. 

The song has little chordal information and almost feels like a game, just like the modern dating world it feels like at times. No vulnerable moments, dominant, lower masculine range and a singing technique that imitates flipping to notes like autotune. 

I want this song to become an anthem when getting ready with ur girls and feel hot and gain back power :) 

Lets go higher then the ceiling til we get close close to what im feeling 

we don’t come down unless ur scared of it guess ur scared of it 

Before It’s gone now later u regret it when u walk out 

Kinda wish we had it but its gone now 

guess we’re scared of it why are u scared of it ?

Kept in colour would the writing on the back on a book if this was a written story. the song is me turning silver, with the longing to be coloured in, questioning if giving my all will ever be enough. 

I’m ice cold I know u can feel it, build a metallic hard and u can keep it would be enough could see through it 

I let u in I show u all my secrets, could u be angel be my baby, I got holes in my heart but I still breathe 

i wanna be coloured in i do, its my biggest desire in life but also life’s biggest lesson.  i wanna be in a picture on the wall in my friends room, a memory made, coloured. during the creation of this ep i struggled a lot with these thoughts, i felt like i was losing colour, removing myself from the outside world in a way. this song opened a door for me, a longing for power, a longing for myself, to be who i was and who i am becoming. 

I think im ready for eternity think im ready for whatever that mean lay my body down and I will be kept in colour 

Yeah I close my eyes and I still see all the wonders he has ever shown me 

Lay my body down and I will be kept in colour

Ur perfect is for funs !!!!!!!!

it reflects the feeling of going out, having a little to drink and feeling like u can’t resist someone, u look for them everywhere, a physical attraction. the track makes me wanna dance, feel myself and express myself. this track represents my understanding of growing into a woman, learning that vulnerability is precious and to keep innocence close but in this world this is extremely hard. i think woman are as much fairies and warriors